Blaine to Lynden Washington road trip (unitarian to christian reform)

Last Friday May 27th, 2011,  I headed south of the border for a unitarian wedding and roaming god shop. Outstanding features of this adventure begin with the drive there...during which, our car broke down 5 car lengths from the border crossing. Huge respect to the BCAA man that helped us out.

Length of ceremony: 3 days

Theme: North Western bible belt

Promise of Heaven/Salvation: All christian faith's encountered hold beliefs about heaven

Space: The layout of the camp where the wedding was held was very "Jonestown," and I later learned that it is often the site for religious group retreats.  

                                                      

My accommodations were fairly "inner city youth summer camp," but I spent most of my time out helping with the wedding, exploring or drunk by a bonfire.

Free Food: A chef made us 3 meals a day for 3 days. Beef jerky was purchased for driving portion.

$$$$$(cost): Did a bit of childcare for guests of the wedding to pay for my stay (showed a group of kids a dead snake).

Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): Loads of 30-something married couples with kids, young lesbians, aged hippies and of course the actual locals of Blaine/Lynden (Small town white people). 

Equity Policy, Community Involvement: Lots of talk at the wedding, not sure otherwise

Entertainment Factor/Ceremony: We arrived at camp Horizon (an old military barrack) after making a stop at the Beer Cave for celebratory "we made it" tall cans. On Saturday morning, a friend and I started out in search of an authentic Blaine god shop. 

We drove down a winding road alongside the pacific for about an hour before seeing a yard sale sign. 

The sale was pretty junky, consisting of romance novels, a box labeled "western wear," retarded VHS' (most of which, including "White Chicks", I already own) and some other trinket crap. Amongst the junk, we discovered the BIBLE ADVENTURE BOX and a US border patrol beer cozy (both purchased for 5 American cents).                                                                                                                                        

       

                                      

Den of Lions coloring sheet

It was decided that the seller of these goods would be a potentially explosive resource for god shopping. SHE WAS. Remember the scene in Wayne's World in which Chris Farley's character gives Wayne and Garth an overly detailed description of Mr. Biggs route? That was her, but about church.

                                               

We took her advice and headed east to Lynden, an old dutch colony with the most churches per capita in the region. 

On the edge of Blaine, we stopped in at Christ The King and interrupted a men's meeting. I introduced myself with 2 different names and awkwardly commented on the beauty of their congregation. We were told that the building was over a hundred years old, it had great acoustics and the stage was set for their 3 regular bands to play at service that evening. They certainly don't mess around at Christ the King. The stage had a full drum kit surrounded in plexiglass and a ton of instruments. 

This Christ the King church is a Catholic denomination, but the name has been applied to many christian churches with a nod to the liturgical feast of Christ to the King and emphasis on loving and serving others. Although it seemed like the 6:30 mass would be a ton of fun, the wedding was set for three and we had shopping to do. 

Back on the road, it wasn't looking good for making a Saturday service, until I spotted a "PRAISE 106.5" billboard at the side of the road. On the drive we heard testimonials, tears in praise of god and songs about forgiveness, nails in hands, and meeting the saviour face to face. These slow ballads sounded better than Nickelback and were pretty easy to sing along to. 

Lynden has many churches. And windmills. Its kind of a charming place with its Dutch golden age architecture (patrician houses, windmills, etc.), American nationalism ("United we stand" signs erewhere) and religious fervour (jesus fish bumper stickers). 

Here is a breakdown of Lynden's religious adherents:

Nothing too exciting happened from here on out so we raced back to Jonestown for the wedding. As Unitarian's, there was little mention of god as a man or anything but there was a lot of talk about community and at one point, everyone held their hands an inch away from their neighbours to feel each other's energy. Then we all got drunk and had a bonfire. 

Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor): Still not eating any of this shit

                                                           

Vancouver Religious Society of Friends (Quaker)

Yesterday, Sunday May 22nd, I visited the Vancouver Religious Society of Friends (a Quaker meeting house near Oak and 70th).  Outstanding features of this Christian sect include, a belief that god is accessible to all individuals and a connection with him does not require an intermediary like a priest or preacher. God is seen as an infinite being that created and perpetually preserves the universe. To the Quakers, God continually reveals divine principles or commandments to humanity. They believe that god is inside them and spend a lot of time just listening for his voice. Hence, the service I attended was almost completely silent.

Historically, the Quakers have a long tradition of pacifism that includes involvement in the anti-slavery movement in the states, women's lib, refusal to participate in wars, and various other cracks at social justice.

Length of Ceremony: 1.5 hours

Theme: shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Entertainment Factor/Ceremony: The morning of the Quaker god shop was pretty hectic. I was awakened by a friend 20 minutes before the service started. Still drunk, I rode my bike faster than ever before. I arrived sweating liquor and gasping for breath to a room of 11 older adults staring at the floor.

I took the opportunity to really size up the "friends" of this congregation. Most of them were over 50 and wearing comfortable slacks.

The silence continued and as I calmed my breathing, I began to observe the subtle sounds in the room. There was leg crossing and uncrossing, stomachs gurgling, nazal whistling and throat lozenges being tongued. Later, I learned that this process was called centering.

Centering continued for about 10-15 minutes and I began worrying who, if anyone, was keeping the time. I was bored, confused and unsure about whether or not I was going to throw up or shit myself.

When a person finally felt moved by god, I was startled. A small woman told a story about raising funds for a meal program and concluded that god had a part in it. Several minutes later, a woman read some of the bible. Several more minutes later, a man talked about how he had tried on different faiths and always returned to Quakerism because it made the most sense (-me not buying it). Then, a man who was clearly deranged, launched into a rant about fetal alcohol syndrome and how a man with the symtoms of FAS recently killed 4 people in the states. He said some other stuff, but what stood out most is that god had a message for him and it was to, "ATTACK."

Soon after this unsettling display, a woman stood up, welcomed us and then we all starting shaking hands and saying, "Welcome," and "Good morning," to eachother. Apparently, this was the time keeper. She read some community announcements and invited everyone downstairs for coffee.

My hands were shaking when I poured my first (of three) cups of coffee. I got into a few in depth conversations with people who clearly recognized my friend and I as nubees.

Promise of Heaven/Salvation: As liberal Quakers, this friendship society does not necessarily believe in direct reward and punishment, heaven and hell, or the second coming of Christ. :(

Space: The exterior of the building is pictured above. Inside, there were about forty mismatched chairs arranged in a circle, facing a coffee table with four holy bibles on it.

Free Food: coffee and pastries...although I was unable to stomach the food this time around.

Equity Policy: Peace church...love everyone...although they are only human... so Im sure hate lives somewhere in them.

Community Involvement: Not sure about this group's level of activity...seemed pretty insular

$$$$$(cost): no mention

Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): Kind, smiley, old and used big words like osmosis

Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor):
4
^I dug the quiet, it was a grounding exercise. Given the opportunity to focus on my breathing, I avoided throwing up.

Beth Israel (Jewish)

On Saturday May 14th, I attended a Shabbat service at Beth Israel synagogue. Outstanding features of this ethnoreligious group include the ability to take a beating and get back up again and a history of about 3000 years. Jews believe that a messiah will emerge and unite all people in believing in a single bodiless god/creator who will eventually resurrect every person who has ever lived and died.

Length of Ceremony: 3 hours

Theme: Benny's Barmitzvah/Do the right thing

Entertainment Factor/Ceremony: At the scheduled start time the room was practically empty. Over the next hour, people slowly trickled in and greeted each other over the sing-chanting of the rabbi. Bizarrely, people were getting up and chatting with each other throughout the entire service...which made it seem pretty chaotic.

A large white marble cabinet (referred to as the ark) was opened to reveal a giant golden scroll (the torah) adorned in colorful cloth. A rabbi walked around the room with it and people touched and kissed it.

Two rabbis (both tone-deaf) took turns reading from the torah and sing-chanting in Hebrew.

Then, a boy named Benny stepped up to read and give a talk on "doing the right thing." He began his speech about helping disabled people with the words, "I love baseball." I burst into laughter. It was then I realized why they were handing out baseball, basketball, football and soccer ball yarmulkes (pronounced yah-mə-kə) at the door.

As it turned out, Benny had his Barmitzvah the night before and his participation in the day's ceremony served to further his ascent into manhood.  Overall, it was a pretty good speech. He plays sports with physically challenged children. Nice kid.




Promise of Heaven/Salvation: Yes. Jews believe in an afterlife or, "world to come." Gehinom is a terribly unpleasant place that souls go to be purified. Unlike the christian concept of hell, you only spend a max of 12 months there!

Space: Big box, ark facing pews, an alter. The religious architecture book I bought on Amazon is in the mail.

Free Food: I attended on the wrong day. There was a pancake breakfast the next day.


Equity Policy: The phrase "social justice" was kicked around a few times

Community Involvement: The running theme "do the right thing" was in relation to helping others.

$$$$$(cost): Donations from this wealthy congregation are going towards building a new synagogue but no collection plate was passed.

Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): The women of Beth Israel, on average, look like Joan Rivers.

Which makes sense given the location of this synagogue (South Granville is pretty swanky).
What I don't get about these women is how they don't know when to stop with the surgeries. Don't they know that every time i look at their plastic surgery addled faces all I see is their bones being broken and reconstructed?

Also, there were a lot of cute guys, but their appeal faded when they kissed the torah as it was passed around.

Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor): 2

The Vancouver Church of Scientology

Yesterday (May 8th, 2011), I visited the Vancouver Church of Scientology for a scheduled introductory lecture. Outstanding features of this religion include the following: (deep breath)

ensuring one's optimal survival 
Individually, creatively, in groups, as a species, as part of all living things, as part of the physical universe, as a spiritual being, and along the path to infinity....

self help through courses
In actuality, these are self-directed study hall sessions based on L. Ron Hubbard's books. Learning centers are known "spiritual universities." The end goal is to be free of negative energy.

auditing
A blend of cold reading and psychotherapeutic imaging intended to track traumas from both early life and previous lives. E meters are used to track negative energies that are traces of traumatic memories stored by the "reactive" part of the brain. Personally, I believe the e meter is actually a galvanic skin response device that measures skin conductivity/sweatiness. The SAME device I used in a grade 7 science fair project to compare my dad's reactions to Mozart and Alice in Chains.


purification rituals
Basically just a gym/sauna/supplement routine to rid the body of toxins. All churches have these spas.



a rigid hierarchical structure, a yacht for elite members, features of a multinational corporation, political sway and little to no sense.

Length of Ceremony: I WAS THERE FOR 3 HOURS

Theme: DVD's menu had several chapters.

Entertainment Factor/Ceremony: I announced myself to a secretary stating that I had an appointment. A woman who looked like Gonzo with silver eye shadow led me into a small meeting room with a large flat screen TV.

She asked if I had specific questions, I said no, she popped in a DVD and she left the room. She came in every once in a while to make sure it was still playing. It was. And it did for 45 minutes.

After some intense question/answer (not really), I took a 200 question personality test that consisted of confusing, poorly worded questions about inane topics ranging from "do you believe the bar-less jail policy is doomed to failure?" to "Do you greet people but mostly your friends effusively" (approximations of actual questions).

Upon the 2nd hour of my visit, I had my test results in hand and my Gonzo friend interpreted them for me.

The grey line is normal. Apparently, i am depressed, nervous, unstable, critical of others and in great need of dianetics.

The next part is where i got cray cray...I spent an hour asking Gonzo about her faith and relationship to scientology (I'm becoming a sociopath).

Promise of Heaven/Salvation: depends on your personal beliefs. Scientology is like an "APP" used in combination with other faiths.


Space: Boxy outside. Inside as i found out -When I was escorted to the can- is a maze of bustling backrooms including a purification centre, scientology chill spot, study hall and who knows what else. A lot of mystery surrounds the 'tologists.'


Free Food: Naw dog.


Equity Policy: All "men" are created equal (except evil people)


Community Involvement/outreach: Thank the tologists for NARCONON, CRIMINON, the Association for Better Living and Educationz and the Citizens Commission on Human Rights (look them up if you want...they far-reaching)


$$$$$(cost): OBV. Multinational corporation offers free intro session and personality test (first taste is free-appeal to junkies-) and charges for the DVD/BOOKS/ALL OTHER NECESSARY INFO.  I think the first session was kept vague for a reason.

Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): Famous tologists range from Beck to Charles Manson and others in between that never went to school.  The others I encountered were ex-junky types with confidence issues or older adults wearing high wasted slacks and vacant looks. Gonzo claimed she was in Vancouver's most popular 50's cover band...I googled the name she gave me and found nothing. The way that the information was presented made it seem plausible that scientology is most appealing to the dumb and desperate.

Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor): 
FUCK OFF

The Vancouver Buddhist Church

Yesterday (May 1st, 2011),  I visited the Vancouver Buddhist Temple (sign outside says Vancouver Buddhist Church, website says temple) located at 220 Jackson Avenue. Outstanding features of this religion include karma, rebirth and saṃsāra (belief that sentient beings exist in a cycle of craving that perpetuates suffering). This particular sect known as,  Jodo Shinshu,  is the most widely practiced form of Buddhism in Japan. It is referred to as a a "Practiceless Practice" because it doesn't have a lot of hard fast doctrines and is pretty open to interpretation.

Length of Ceremony: 35 minutes

Theme:spring/mothers/appreciation of mothers

Entertainment Factor/Ceremony: I arrived late to this one...A woman received me- panting, sweaty and wandering around with my bike at the gates. She was kind enough to let me bring my bike inside (the temple is in the heart of junky-bum town). Recognizing that I had no idea what I was doing, she ushered my into the ceremony and pointed out relevant pages in the provided ceremony book.

Did we ever chant! A super long list of Sanskrit words were sang/read in near monotone. I almost lost my breath. At about a third of the way through I thought I wasn't going to make it to the end.  After a while, I kind of got into it. My breath regulated and the words seemed to flow from me...I meditated? Ran low on Oxygen?

Apparently, the regular sensei was in Toronto at a Buddhist conference. As was the case, the dharma talk on "Appreciation" was delivered by a teen-aged boy whose stage presence matched the rug he stood on.

He told us we all need to appreciate our mothers.  Then he launched into a self-disclosure about how sometimes his mom cooks for him and he complains about the taste. He conceded that in those instances he is taking her for granted. As was also revealed, she wakes him up every morning and he takes that for granted too....

I can totally relate. I hate it when my mom makes my eggs all runny or doesn't put enough sugar in my coffee. OR when she balls my socks instead of folding them OR when she brushes my hair too hard....OH THE FUCKING WORST is when she doesn't do all the voices of the characters in my bedtime story. UNFORGIVABLE.

     Nice kid. Made some good points in a roundabout way...

Promise of Heaven/Salvation: Enlightenment...salvation enough.

Space: Exterior was an 80's-style box. The immediate inside looked like a high school cafeteria with a reading area and long folding dining room tables. The inner area where the ceremony took place was lined with padded baby blue pews facing a large gold shrine to the Buddha.

Free Food: Coffee, cake, cookies, orange segments and chocolates.

Equity Policy: Not erebody completely welcome..... in a Buddhist text called the Vinaya, the Buddha is recorded as opposing gender bending and gayness :(

Community Involvement: Festivals in the summer, non-proselytizing but inviting/open to incredibly in depth conversations about faith and spirituality.

$$$$$(cost): Donations accepted...I was tempted this time around because a 4 year-old Japanese girl in a kimono was stumbling around with a collection plate. No money required.

Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): After the ceremony, we all gathered in the "high school cafeteria" room to have coffee and cake. The small crowd around the percolator parted and <3 Molly <3 emerged. She was a tiny and beautiful older Japanese woman. We introduced ourselves and proceeded to have an long conversation about the Buddhism/faith in general.

She expressed that she was originally Buddhist by default (both parents were Buddhists) and therefore unquestioning in her faith. As a young girl she and her family were shipped to the interior of BC with only what they could carry as a part of the Canadian government's internment of Japanese people (seen as a spy threat after Pearl Harbor).

Once in the interior, her family began attending united church. When she finally moved back to Vancouver, she attended Buddhist ceremonies and seriously questioned her allegiance to it. It was a long road for her to feel at home there but she values the emphasis on self-reflection.
   
Most of the congregation was Japanese-Canadian.... I'm talking like 4th or 5th generation Canadian. Tons of history. On behalf of the Mackenzie King government, I am disgusted.

Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor):
               1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10
1=“Naw, no thanks” and 10=“All in”




Mshuxtable's rating
8
^Makes beautiful sense to me, from the little I can get my head around...Still reeling from christian god shopping.
 

SAD NEWS: After Pearl Harbor, fear spread that Japanese people on the pacific coast could pose a threat and in fact be spies.

On February 24, 1942, an order passed under the War Measures Act that gave the federal government the power to intern all people of Japanese origin. 22,000 Japanese Canadians (14,000 of whom were born in Canada) were interned.

  A 100-mile (160 km) wide “quarantine” strip up the Pacific coast was created, in which people of Japanese origin were displaced inland and men of between the ages of 18 and 45 were taken to road camps in the interior.

  The government promised they would get their land back when they had come back from 'shelters'. However, while they were in the camps, their land was sold off cheaply at auctions. They did not know that they were going to prison camps.

   After the war, they were given the option to move back to Japan or move east.