I know that I know nothing, but I also know religious people make me uncomfortable. Recently, I was called a religiphobe and that didn’t feel good. Yada, yada, yada…I decided with a friend to participate in a multitude of religious ceremonies every weekend until I find God or get sick of doing it.
Today (Sunday April 3, 2011), I visited the 1st Baptist Church at Burrard and Nelson in Vancouver for the 11am mass.
Outstanding features of this christian denomination include: Local church autonomy (each varies), belief in the immaculate conception of Christ, miracles and the second coming. In order to convey my experiences of god shopping, I have created distinct categories for assessment. I am also working on a rating system…
Length of Ceremony: 2 MOTHERFUCKING hours
Theme: Redemption
Entertainment Factor/Ceremony:
songs, music, songs. All songs were presented karaoke-style on a big screen. There was a full band that played upbeat religious hymns with a modern twist. The band included a bass, guitar, drums, keyboard, bongos, and a violin. During the songs, a lot of people had these spontaneous spiritual moments in which they would bow their heads and raise one or both hands in the air. There was a lot of standing for songs at the beginning and I wasn’t really feeling it. An elderly man in front of me was teetering and on the verge of collapse by the third song and I didn’t know whether I was supposed to clap at the end of each.
Apparently, the regular pastor was out of town but had prerecorded an inspirational message from grand central station about the mission work he was doing in New York City. The video quality was shit and it played kind of choppy, but as the multimedia aspect of the service was totally unexpected…fine by me.
The pre-teen prayer group was introduced and it was announced that their leader would be leaving on a mission to Liberia in the next month. The stand-in pastor asked for the congregation to pray for him. The preteens obeyed by bowing and touching their leader and the whole church prayed for him.
Apparently, the church does a lot of work in Liberia. A slide show from their last mission was then presented and some missionaries spoke about their experiences there. ***This was pretty educational as I had no idea about Liberia’s history (started as a colony for freed American slaves in 1822)
This continued for approximately 45 minutes until a loud crash was heard and the entire balcony section gasped with horror. A woman had collapsed and the people around her rushed to her aid. Someone cried out for a doctor and a few people got on their cellphones to call an ambulance. At this point, the pastor asked the church to pray for this woman as she lay unconscious. A nurse who had previously spoke about her mission in Liberia, stood over her and lifted her legs so all we could see from down below were 2 black pumps raised in the air. The pastor encouraged us to remain calm so the sermon could continue. Which it did, although it was really distracting. Eventually, paramedics came and took her away.
After a bunch more singing and sermoning, the service was over. We were invited to have refreshments in the back meeting area. FREE COFFEE AND COOKIES!
Promise of Heaven/Salvation: OBV
Space: The church was built in 1910 and had high ceilings and pointy bits…Gothic revival?? I need a book on church architecture.
Free Food: We feasted on the blood and body of Christ (grape juice and bread) and of course the coffee and cookies. Also, we were told that once a month they do a $4 dinner banquet. NOT FREE
Equity Policy: There was mention of “marginalized” people and women’s rights, but I’m pretty sure they hate gays. I was too afraid to ask.
Community Involvement: It seems like loads of mission work gets done by these people. Prayed for global community (Japan, Ivory Coast, etc.). I’m creeped out by the idea that these people impose Christianity on godless non-Christians…I’m thinking witch burning and residential school style conversion. Not letting my imagination get ahead of me, they seem to do helpful work. Med supplies are med supplies…
$$$$$(cost): They passed around a plate and envelopes for donations and i passed it right to the guy beside me. $ NOT REQUIRED. Their YTD earnings from donations (givings as they were referred) is $412,646
Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): I was greeted with handshakes, smiles and “good morning’s” all around. It was a pretty diverse looking crowd that varied in age, race, scruffiness, talking-to-themselves-and-rocking-back-and-forthiness. There were a couple of visible homosexuals leading the ceremony. One was the butchie violin player that I made sex eyes at the whole time. No dice.
Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor):
T= 2
I’m thinking of doing a 1-10 rating scale for this one….1 being “Naw, no thanks” and 10 being “All in”
Considering the insanity of today’s events I’d come back….for the cookies
Today (Sunday April 3, 2011), I visited the 1st Baptist Church at Burrard and Nelson in Vancouver for the 11am mass.
1st baptist holding it down
Outstanding features of this christian denomination include: Local church autonomy (each varies), belief in the immaculate conception of Christ, miracles and the second coming. In order to convey my experiences of god shopping, I have created distinct categories for assessment. I am also working on a rating system…
Length of Ceremony: 2 MOTHERFUCKING hours
Theme: Redemption
Entertainment Factor/Ceremony:
songs, music, songs. All songs were presented karaoke-style on a big screen. There was a full band that played upbeat religious hymns with a modern twist. The band included a bass, guitar, drums, keyboard, bongos, and a violin. During the songs, a lot of people had these spontaneous spiritual moments in which they would bow their heads and raise one or both hands in the air. There was a lot of standing for songs at the beginning and I wasn’t really feeling it. An elderly man in front of me was teetering and on the verge of collapse by the third song and I didn’t know whether I was supposed to clap at the end of each.
Apparently, the regular pastor was out of town but had prerecorded an inspirational message from grand central station about the mission work he was doing in New York City. The video quality was shit and it played kind of choppy, but as the multimedia aspect of the service was totally unexpected…fine by me.
The pre-teen prayer group was introduced and it was announced that their leader would be leaving on a mission to Liberia in the next month. The stand-in pastor asked for the congregation to pray for him. The preteens obeyed by bowing and touching their leader and the whole church prayed for him.
Apparently, the church does a lot of work in Liberia. A slide show from their last mission was then presented and some missionaries spoke about their experiences there. ***This was pretty educational as I had no idea about Liberia’s history (started as a colony for freed American slaves in 1822)
This continued for approximately 45 minutes until a loud crash was heard and the entire balcony section gasped with horror. A woman had collapsed and the people around her rushed to her aid. Someone cried out for a doctor and a few people got on their cellphones to call an ambulance. At this point, the pastor asked the church to pray for this woman as she lay unconscious. A nurse who had previously spoke about her mission in Liberia, stood over her and lifted her legs so all we could see from down below were 2 black pumps raised in the air. The pastor encouraged us to remain calm so the sermon could continue. Which it did, although it was really distracting. Eventually, paramedics came and took her away.
After a bunch more singing and sermoning, the service was over. We were invited to have refreshments in the back meeting area. FREE COFFEE AND COOKIES!
Promise of Heaven/Salvation: OBV
Space: The church was built in 1910 and had high ceilings and pointy bits…Gothic revival?? I need a book on church architecture.
Free Food: We feasted on the blood and body of Christ (grape juice and bread) and of course the coffee and cookies. Also, we were told that once a month they do a $4 dinner banquet. NOT FREE
Equity Policy: There was mention of “marginalized” people and women’s rights, but I’m pretty sure they hate gays. I was too afraid to ask.
Community Involvement: It seems like loads of mission work gets done by these people. Prayed for global community (Japan, Ivory Coast, etc.). I’m creeped out by the idea that these people impose Christianity on godless non-Christians…I’m thinking witch burning and residential school style conversion. Not letting my imagination get ahead of me, they seem to do helpful work. Med supplies are med supplies…
$$$$$(cost): They passed around a plate and envelopes for donations and i passed it right to the guy beside me. $ NOT REQUIRED. Their YTD earnings from donations (givings as they were referred) is $412,646
Participants (looks, conversation, etc.): I was greeted with handshakes, smiles and “good morning’s” all around. It was a pretty diverse looking crowd that varied in age, race, scruffiness, talking-to-themselves-and-rocking-back-and-forthiness. There were a couple of visible homosexuals leading the ceremony. One was the butchie violin player that I made sex eyes at the whole time. No dice.
Blind Faith Factor (BFF/WOW factor):
T= 2
I’m thinking of doing a 1-10 rating scale for this one….1 being “Naw, no thanks” and 10 being “All in”
Considering the insanity of today’s events I’d come back….for the cookies
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